Shit storm

Today  I finally wondered what the hell is wrong with me in regards to elimination communication. Why do I do this to myself? What am I thinking will improve?

Picture this: Miles walks away from me and gets very, very quiet. This either means he is doing something terribly naughty (eating a shoe, unwinding toilet paper, digging in garbage…) or taking a crap. His “poop” behavior has changed from grunty squatting to total silence in a private space.

So I locate him, determine that he is indeed about to poop, and whip off his diaper to stick him on the potty. By now, he knows the drill. Even though he is mid-poop at this point, he gets really excited and starts mimicking the “pssssss” noise I make when I sit him on the potty. He looks up at me, all eager for me to be excited about his recognition of the sound you’re supposed to make on the potty. I just keep telling him he’s supposed to actually make the pee-pee to go with the sound effect, or even maybe finish his poop into the toilet.

But he just sits there for about 13 seconds, going “pssssss psssssss” until he is tired of doing that. At which point, he springs into the air and manages to eliminate his bones. He becomes a total heap of mush, flopping all over the place like a pizza box in the breeze. Meanwhile, the poopy diaper on the floor is not clear from harm’s way, nor is his bottom clean of poop.

Without going into detail, that boy unleashed a shit-i-cane on Team Lev Headquarters, the aftermath of which was only slightly less devastating than Hurricane Andrew. So what the hell do you do? How the hell do you clean something like that up while your kid is simultaneously determined to touch the mess and “help” you?

My son has taught himself to climb up and over the baby gates, so there is no longer a safe place for him in our home. I had nowhere safe to lock him up while I cleaned up the mess that was mostly my fault, so, with one arm, I held him upside-down by his ankles and disinfected the bathtub. Once he was in there with his ducks, I could scrub the rest of the bathroom and eventually his skin (and then, of course, re-scrub the bathtub after I removed him from it).

Did I mention this happened as we were supposed to head out the door for a play-date? I think this might be the day where I realize that early toilet training is not meant to be for this baby. What on earth made me think that removing a diaper mid-poop would be anything but catastrophically stupid?

Far better for him to crap in his diaper until he is 19 years old than for me to spend another morning like this one, terrified that I missed a spot on the walls or in one of his thigh-folds.

I walked away from the morning with several convictions. First, the homemade all-purpose spray and toilet bowl cleaner seem to work just fine on even the nastiest of disasters. Score! Second, Team Lev is not meant to use elimination communication. Third, it is possible to triage a shit storm without paper towels! And finally, people who put their children on a leash are much smarter than I am.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 17th, 2010 at 10:24 pm and is filed under Wedding. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

 

2 Responses to “Shit storm”

  1. Dean Says:

    This makes sense to me Katy. I love your blog and read it regularly and I have some close friends who are new mommas. I mentioned the EC thing to them when you first started posting about it. The reaction was “absolutely not.” Sounds like you’ve done a cost/benefit analysis (you’re married to an accountant after all) and decided diapers are the way to go. Kudos to you for trying EC but sounds like its time to throw in the towel – or rather – recycled rag.

  2. Lauren Says:

    OMG, this is hysterical! I didn’t do EC, but tried (unsuccessfully) to potty train Eli several times when he was too young/before he was ready. Once around 12 months, 15 months, 18 months, before I finally gave up. I, too, would do the “pssss” sound on the toilet, but he never peed! And I’d stick him on the potty mid-poop – but he’d never finish the poop on the pot. He eventually trained at around 25 or 26 months old – when HE was ready. Now, Collin is 14 months old and I have not even attempted to potty train. I’ll worry about it more when he’s 2. It’s so funny how much more laid back I am about EVERYTHING with him…and I have to say, I love it b/c it gives us both a break!

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